There were two things I couldn’t bring myself to do after August: (1) watch video clips of Papa singing the karaoke, and (2) read emails he sent to me a few years back. Since the funeral, I’ve always wondered if it was ever truly possible to think about him without feeling heartbroken afterwards. But over time, I’ve realized (and have resigned to the fact) that when it comes to remembering him, joy and sadness are, indeed, intertwined and inseparable. So after months of putting it on hold, I finally decided to open my old yahoo mail account and archive his letters. (Watching the karaoke videos, on the other hand, was a personal feat I achieved sometime last month. Yay me.)
I’ve been spending the past couple of nights reading his emails, and it was like hearing his voice again. Some of them were so corny (ang yabang pa, because that was his way of showing affection to me). But there were also messages full of wisdom that I could only wish I had more “life experience” at the time he sent it because I probably would have appreciated it more.
Let this be the first of many entries documenting his letters to me. I will be posting them here occasionally and will try to leave them as raw and as unedited as possible (meaning with typo errors and wrong capitalization/punctuation; will only filter out the names of some people he mentioned). Enjoy the first one below :)